143 days…

Another day ticked off.  That’s really all I’m doing here – marking time.

School was OK.  The kids were OK.  Our kids were fabulous.  As usual.

Meh.

This shit is unending.

I’m not suicidal but the rest of my life can’t fly by fast enough…. and that makes me sad to know this.  I feel like my life will be a big waste of time.  Platitudes about what you would have wanted for me just don’t cut it. This is a half life.

My life was over on March 1, 2010 and now I just have to live until I get to die.

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I enjoy work.  But I miss not having you here to talk to about it.

I miss hearing about your day.  I imagine what you would have done or thought about the goings on in our world.  I imagine jokes you would have made.  I wonder what you would think of some of my choices in Just Getting By.

Most of all, I miss being able to curl up with you and feel safe.

I miss knowing that I was lucky.

I miss being married.

I miss feeling like the coolest bloke on the planet was at my side.

I’m surrounded by caring friends and family and yet I feel so alone.

I love you.

XA