Its been 36 days since I kissed you goodbye and sent you off to work.

It’s been 28 days since I buried you.

I’m trying my best to look after the kids and they are OK for the most part.  They do see me cry but I save most of it for the nights when I lie in our empty bed and cry into your pillow.  Stupid really because soon it will start smelling more like me than like you…

I filled in the forms for your super today – what a joke.  It seems that they think nobody is actually married these days because it was all “partner / de facto” etc.  Between that and their inability to order the numbers 1-9 (dependant #1; #2; #2; #2; #2 … you get the picture) it has done my head in for the day.

I’m also tidying out the office – finding all the bits of junk that you stashed here and there.  You were the world’s greatest hoarder.  Two old monitors have met their *timely* end in the bin and the non-functioning printer is soon to follow.

Your brother has made inrows into all the bits of  “useful stuff” packed under the house.  At least we can now park your car in the garage.

That’s the practical news of the day ….

So far I’ve only broken down in a screaming heap once. I’m getting very good at the snot-less cry now too which is far more convenient than the tissue-wasting variety of Big Ugly Cry.  I can just elegantly mop up the tears that roll down my cheeks.  Pity I didn’t grow that enormous beard like I told you I dreamed about a few days before you died – that sucker would have mopped up an ocean of tears.  and snot.  noice!  (Shaddup – you love my for my sense of humour – admit it!!)

Kids have been OK today.  We talk about you a lot.  I’m trying to remember to write down stuff for them like how soft K thought your knuckles were and how soft the tops of your feet were.  H keeps the shifter you engraved with his name close to him while he sleeps.  He’s quite proud of it really.

So send us another rainbow when you can … they really lift us up.  The head-tingly thing is quite novel too but I like it… I don’t get the tingly ears yet, but I guess I can work on that one.  or maybe I’m deluding myself, but I don’t really care…. its working for me.

Love you, buddy-roo

XAmanda

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