54 days.

Life is just …. wrong.

How the hell did we get here?  I just don’t understand how this happened.

It’s just wrong.

and I can’t make it right.

No matter what I do, I can’t fix it.

I miss you so much.

I’m shit-scared of spending the rest of my life without you.  I just don’t get how I’m supposed to do it.

People say words like:

strong

resilient

brave

doing well

coping.

But its complete crap – I don’t feel  any of those things.

I am very small.

and broken.

I don’t understand how my heart keeps beating when I know it’s torn in two.

I can’t see how I will ever be whole again.

I miss you.

I need you.

The kids need you.

Thankfully, they also need me.  It’s good to have a purpose.

and so I plod on…..

as I promised you I would.

All my love

XA

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