70 days….

At school today, I actually forgot how much my life sucks for a moment.  I got caught up in life.  It felt good for a minute or two … crashing back to Earth came with a thud though….

But I’m OK.  I’ve cried this morning, this evening and will probably cry again before bed, but I’m OK.

K however is very sad.  She’s not been doing too well at all this week and I’m worried about her.  Reality has bitten and it hurts.  She really misses you and it breaks my heart not to be able to say that everything is OK.  I mean I try,  and we talk about you and how love never dies and how she can still tell you all her thoughts and fears, but she can’t see you or hug you and that is really hard.

H however has been described as an angel today by his teacher.  He was settled in class.  No calling out. No moving around.  Back to being his old self again.  I’ve noticed he’s far less angry than he was and more willing to talk about things.  Touching wood… but I also think his reflux issues are much better than they’ve been for months and not having stomach acid flood into  your mouth every half hour or so must feel better too.  Fingers crossed that he keeps getting better.

Ironically, it’s H who has less trouble talking to you.  I quite often hear him praying and telling God to tell you things.

Andrew phoned tonight – I finally found out why it has taken him so long to phone (or rather, I twigged).  I forgot that his own Dad died when he was 2 years old and he didn’t tell us that his Mum passed away from bowel cancer earlier this year.  He is sad. We talked for over an hour and it felt good to talk about life, the universe ( ie you) and everything.  He’s a good friend.  He’s going to give me a quote on the fence and makes sure its all good for us.  He even started looking for a corgi for us! …. I’m finally able to lift your ban on dogs 🙂

I’m glad he called – not many of your friends have phoned me at all.  I know it’s because they don’t know what to say, but I miss them and I miss being able to talk about you with people who’ve known you for so long.  Andrew remembers all your funny ways and habits and can share a laugh with me.  I told him about not being able to start the mower that you built from parts and he roared with laughter….. only you would build a mower like that one!

You were such a great inventor and tinkerer.  I can see a lot of your ability in H – he has that same need to pull things apart to see how they work.  Just Like You.

You were one in a million and I love you so much.