75 days.

Today  it was like Grand Central Station here – I had visitors tag-teaming all day.  All wonderful and welcome and beautiful and thoughtful and kind.

First up it was the boys with the treadmill and Soph and Kal came over as well to play with K & H.  They had a great time.

Then Andrew came over to measure up the fence.  He brought his beautiful German Shepherd with him and the kids liked playing with the dog.

Then your niece A and her hubby McC came bearing a new Wii controller and game for the kids.

Then J’s mum came bearing scones.

Then Mum and Dad brought tea over and dad tried out the treadmill and managed to stay on at 1 km per hour.

BUT.

K is not good.

You’d think after such an exciting day filled with friends bearing gifts, she’d be feeling OK, but before dinner she drew me aside and said “I feel like I want to kill myself”.

(sob)

I know she’s said this stuff before when your Dad died, but she was only 4 last time and didn’t understand that it was something she couldn’t come back from and she really just wanted to visit Granddad in heaven.

She knows what she is saying now that she is 7.

She knows that death is a one-way ticket.

I managed to calm her down by saying “you sound like you are feeling really sad” and going from there.  She had calmed down by the time we finished talking, but I don’t think she’ll let this rest.

I don’t think she’ll actually do anything, but knowing she hurts so bad just rips me in two.

I’m hoping for a better day tomorrow.  Soccer in the morning then a birthday party then Jake is coming over.  I might try to spend some one-on-one time with her during the day.

Wish me luck …. and rainbows to show her.  She likes them as much as I do.

Love you.

XA

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