77 days.
Really? only 77 days?

Sometimes it feels like a lifetime and other times I look at your things and can’t believe that you aren’t here because you were literally JUST STANDING THERE….

There is no pile of dirty laundry on the floor of the en suite. There are no dirty socks shoved into work boots positioned to subtly scent the lounge room …. and what I’d give to be able to yell at you about dirty socks left lying around!

The crying hit again today.  It definitely comes in waves.  Possibly negatively correlated to the amount of sleep I get: more sleep = less crying.
I’d collect some data if I could be bothered (and note – I wanted to write “if I could be arsed” there but modified the language because of YOU).

On the up side, the kids wer OK today.  I was very proud of how H and his bestie N had a fight at school but they patched it up and were best buddies again by 3pm.

K seems to be doing better too.  I saw D today (I start each day in her classroom) and she always checks to see if I’ve used any of the behaviour management techniques from her course…  Anyway, she suggested letting K own the feeling first, but then give her information like: “Yep, Daddy died and that is really sad but we can still love each other and there is still fun to be had and we can still have a good life.”

Hard to say when the last bit feels like a lie to me … but it’s working so far.  As it turned out, D lost her father when she was 16.  So many fabulous women I know who didn’t have a Dad there to help bring them up.  Gives me some hope that I can manage this gig without you.

Even though I don’t want to manage without you.

I miss you so much.  I love you even more…..

XA

Advertisements