85 days…
…and the bottom feels like it fell out of the world.

I am sick and tired and apathetic and life feels empty and pointless.

When I drive home from work with the kids, I feel like there’s nothing to look forward to.  I’m trying desperately to put things in there to look forward to, even just a little bit, but in the end, there’s no Daddy coming home for tea…. or in today’s case, no *you* to cook tea for me when I’m feeling so ratty.

I wonder how I will get through the rest of my life: all the things I can’t do, or don’t want to do anymore without you.

Never fear – I’m not planning anything other than another doona day.
I realise I’m sick and life always seems worse when you are sick.

It doesn’t stop this whole thing from sucking beyond the telling of it.

In the end, the kids were hungry so I reheated some stew, toasted some bread and we ate the same food for the thrid night in a row.  I just didn’t have the energy for anything else.

I really miss how you’d come home on days like this, quickly work out that my energy was gone and just step into the breach.  Especially today when the kids fought from dawn and continued after school,  and didn’t so a single thing I asked them to until I yelled at them and my throat got hoarser and made me feel even crapper.

I’ll be OK – I just miss you.

I love you.

XA

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