95 days…

….and I’m still sitting here, dumbfounded as to HOW this could have happened to us.

I had a Really Bad Morning.
It’s when the little things can almost push you over the edge and at the moment its the moveable feast that is the various combinations of road closures and detours that make up our daily trip to and from school.  I tried to get fuel on the way home from school drop-off and could not turn the roundabout to the servo, so I drove around the stinking road block only to discover that the servo was closed (at 9:30 am – no idea why).  This is enough to make me want to scream.  It doesn’t take much to push me too far right now…..

But then my Mum came over.  I knew, even as she set about quietly helping me that you’d sent an angel over to help me  today.  She helped me reorganise the laundry so that my new washing machine could just be easily put into place as soon as it was delivered.   She helped so much by just working alongside me so that I had the energy and enthusiasm to clear and clean.  She even helped me put the first load of washing through … and at 9.5 kgs, there was only one load of laundry – hooray!  (How sad is it that a new washing machine will probably be the highlight of my year?)

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I miss you so much.

I really miss just holding your hand.   Your hand was so much bigger than mine, I’d quite often only hold onto a finger or thumb – but that gave me such comfort.
and I really miss  cuddling you in the comfortable contortions we seemed to entwine ourselves into before the alarm got us up each day.
I really can’t see how I’m supposed to keep going without daily hugs and kisses from you, yet I know that there is no one else on the planet quite like you.
I remember the second I laid eyes on you and that was it for me.  You were Mr Right!
You put all other men in the shade.

This does not bode well for me ever meeting anybody else I could be remotely happy with ….. and yet the thought of spending the rest of my life alone scares me.

I miss you so much and I love you even more.

XA

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