96 days….

The kids must be tired – they have fought all day and it wears my patience thin.  I just tried explaining that they need me to do jobs like make them dinner, wash their clothes, buy them food, make lunches etc etc… so if I ask them to do a job like tidy their rooms and vacuum the floor, it is just something that they have to do.  if on;y I didn’t have to get really angry first to let them know how mad I am.

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This morning, the friend of B&J’s turned up to measure the fence and then Andrew turned up (as Andrew will ultimately be putting it up – the other fellow just makes the panels). It’s not going to be cheap, even at mate’s rates. But as I see it, it will let us get a dog and feel that little bit more protected.

Andrew and I get on so well it did my heart good to see him again. It’s so great talking to Andrew about you. He knows just what you were like and all the details of your family / your hobbies / our life,  so I don’t have to explain stuff to him.  He also flirts shamelessly with me, (as he’s always done as a joke more than anything) and it’s kind of nice just to be told that I’ve still ‘got it’ from a boy. He’s a good friend.

Actually, of all your  friends, Andrew is the only one who’s come near me at all.  They all *said* they’d look after us and wrote you cards and gave bunches of flowers to your dead body in that coffin with cards that vowed they’d take care of us …. but nothing since the funeral.  Dave phoned one night (and I can forgive him because they live a bit further away…. but the phone works just fine).  But nothing from B or D/R.  I know they don’t know what to say, but really, that’s not the point.  Plus I know that girls are better at this stuff than boys.
But I remember that after Mark died, you would drop in on R about once a month just to check if she needed anything done, and you and Mark were never particularly close….  Having said that, R knows just what I’m going through and has been onto me every few weeks to make sure I ask for help when I need it.

I’m lucky that I have Mum and J&D so close  – they lift me up on a daily basis.  …and so does God when I’m not so freaking angry with him.

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Ahhhhh but I wish you’d just come home already.  I’m so desperate to see you and give you a cuddle.  I really do hope you are around me all the time…..
I’ve noticed that I’ll look up at the clock at 11 past the hour and have gone to bed at 11:11pm two nights this week.  I understand that “11” is meant to be some sort of special number…. I’d like to think so.

I miss you so much.

I love you heaps.

XA

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