100 days….

100 days and it feels like 100 years.

God only knows how I will make it through the rest of my life without you…. and given my long-lived female rellies, I’m thinking that I’ve got at least another 50 years, if not 60.
Time seems to drag so slowly and now that the shock and numbness have worn off, we are left with just the soul-deep ache.  It feels like a cold wind whistling through my brain whilst I have a temperature of 40 degrees and a side of sinus infection.  Except the feeling is in my heart.  It hurts.  A lot.

I swear I felt you moving around in our bed this morning – right before I woke up I could feel it I tell you!  I don’t know that I was dreaming about you, but it felt kind of nice to think you’d been with me but got up just before I was fully awake.

My darling, I still can’t understand how we are left in this horrible situation.  You were such a safe driver it’s was the least of my worries.   … a bit like Steve Irwin being taken out by a relatively harmless stingray when  a croc would have been the logical .  I worried about you driving to and from the farm so often. I worried about you having an accident at the farm when nobody else was around. I worried about you falling off your motorbike.  But doing a test run in a car at work – soooooo not the thing I was scared of.

I will love you forever darl…

XA

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