103 days….

I just have to tell you how awesome our kids are.

I was so tired last night, and woke up at 3am (as per usual), tried to go back to sleep, read for a bit and managed to nod off at about 5:55am.  I woke up at about 7am to hear the kids making noise in the kitchen….. they’d tidied the loungeroom, their bedrooms and were making breakfast in the kitchen.

This meant I could just vacuum the floor without going bananas about them picking up their crap first.

It was awesome.

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K had a party at the kiddy gym – it was for the daughter of the lady who owns the gym.  We’ve been to parties there before and they are definitely the best kid’s party venue in town.  Probably also the most expensive as there are 2-3 hosts who have childcare training and when birthday parties are on, nobody else can enter the gym so it’s very safe from that perspective as well.  I was comfortable leaving K in the care of the parents and “hosts” for a couple of hours – nice to do the grocery shopping by myself.

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I felt very sad driving home from the party tonight – normally we’d all be together on a Saturday night and it sucks so much that you aren’t *here* with us (even if you are around us).  It really does feel like you were just here 5 minutes ago and I can’t find you.

I have so many nightmares where you leave me for some reason.  Last week I dreamt that you left me for someone else and I was shattered because I knew you were the one for me (the dream was set back in 1993 when we first met).  While it was a relief to wake up and know that, if nothing else, you were *my* boy to the end, it still sucks that it was my brain’s way of saying “you’ve been abandoned”.

I do feel abandoned.  I can’t stand the thought that you aren’t *here* with me.

I miss you so much and love you even more.

XA

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