111 days….

A much better day today.

I think I got so sad about visiting  our old haunts without you on Friday that it seriously threw me for a six.  I was really weepy yesterday …which seemed to puzzle a few people at the fete when I just couldn’t be the normal happy person they demand me to be all the time (or they start asking inappropriate questions about therapy)
… and I do really think that a lot of people think I should be getting better / getting over it by now.
Ironically, the people who do understand that I’ll never get over it are also going through some seriously bad juju right now, but the ones who think I should be “getting over it by now” turn around and tell me why they are so pissed off because their husband put a picture hook 2 inches to high or because he watched the soccer instead of doing x, y or z.
Some people get it and other people just need a swift kick to the pancreas.

Anyway – today was OK.

I slept in until 7 am (woohoo), got up and got the floors vacuumed and mopped, the kitchen tidied, the groceries done …and then I felt more on top of things.

Seriously – if anyone ever wanted to torture me, they’d force me to live in my house without a cleaning cloth, a broom, mop or a vacuum.  I hate crunchy stuff on the floors.  Mess I can cope with just fine.  Filth is an entirely different matter.

This afternoon I took Mum over to Uncle K and Aunt S because cousin A and kids are back in Australia for 6 weeks.  We had a really great family dinner and A and I hatched a plan for taking the four little ones up to Underwater World in the school holidays.

It was so nice to feel almost “normal” again.

Memory of the day….

We gave little L a MEGA Blocks neo shifter thingo and it took 3 adults to put the &^*( thing together.  I should also point out that among the three adults sat around the table assembling this thing, two of us have PhDs and the third has a Masters degree and we STILL struggled to match the eleventy-seven bits with the pictorial instructions and assemble the thing correctly.

In the end, I just blurted out “we need Greg here – he’d have the thing together in 60 seconds flat with new and improved modifications”.

You rocked at putting stuff together.  You just intuitively knew how it should look and work and just did it.  It’s such a rude shock when I have to do these things now.

I HATE doing your jobs now.  I didn’t sign up for them.  I signed up for cooking dinner and doing laundry.  For shopping and looking after small people. For doing the banking and balancing the credit card.  For looking after our health and education. I don’t fix stuff unless its clothing.  Fixing stuff is one of YOUR jobs.  I don’t do tools or gizmos.

I miss you so much.  I just wish you were coming home to us.

I love you so much.