114 days….

Some days I think that God is pushing my buttons to see how many more little things he can do to me before I crack up completely.  You know  – the straw that breaks the camel’s back…

On Monday – it was the bottle of maple syrup that I knocked onto the newly cleaned kitchen floor as I was getting the kid’s breakfast (YOUR job).

On Tuesday – it was the 6th steaming pile of dogshit that bitch from across the road has deposited on our front lawn in a week.  The dog that is … although the lady could also be described as a bitch – you never met her, but OMG can she swear at her kids.

This morning it was the fact that the newly installed fluoro light in the kitchen flatly refused to turn on this morning. (It’s OK – I worked out that the new bulb was a dud and got the store where I bought the fitting  to replace the bulb for free).

and then….

something completely beautiful happens.

Like the two perfect rainbows we saw today.

…and like the fact that our beautiful, clever little girl got almost all Very High (Outstanding = the best) marks on her report card.

Let’s just consider what this kid has been through this school reporting period – new class with dodgy teacher for 3 days a week,  then *death of her beloved father*, associated funeral and continuing emotional fallout, illness, therapy and she still scores top marks in every subject … bar one.

Yep – she got a “Sound” in music.  (NO – not “Sound of Music” you fool – I sooo know you just cracked that joke ’cause I can hear you in my head!)
Basically, she got an average mark and her only “B” for effort (the rest being “A” for effort which is graded separately to achievement).

But did she catch on to my enthusiasm and words of praise when I opened her report card?
She latched onto that one deviation from “Outstanding” and cried.
She is just like me – remember last year when my GPA was 6.7 out of 7 and all I could see was that one subject where I only got a 5.  For every other subject, I topped the entire course cohort and got 7s for, yet the one mark where I deviated from perfection is all I can see even now.

K : Me = Apple  :  Tree.

She cheered up once I put it all into perspective though – she remembered making a mistake on the test.

She is beautiful.  Just beautiful.

H is also just gorgeous.  It seems that most of his anger that he initially displayed after you died has dulled and he is just a complete joy.  He *thinks* about things very deeply.  He’s still rocking out from winning the prep prize on Monday.  Then, 5 minutes ago, he just ran to me in tears and said he missed you today.  I hope you hear his prayers every night at grace “Let Daddy always know he loves us and let us know that we love Daddy and that he’s always close to our hearts.  And let us know that we love Nana and Grandad and let them know that we always live them and that they always love us” etc etc.  I  think he’s channeling Tony and his epic grace sessions that would leave everyone with cold food.

Geez our kids are gorgeous.  You would be so proud.

Scratch that – I know you *are* so proud.

I love you.  I miss you.