119 days….

Why yes, I finally got time to set up the wireless connection and new laptop.  About time I suppose.  I just set up firefox with a new theme – I’d forgotten about those.  I’ve gone with Doctor Who’s TARDIS. Mind you, I haven’t loaded up MS Office yet so I haven’t got far.  It’s just nice to have time to do it.

Laptop mice are annoying though and the buttons are in funny places.  Geez I’m such a Luddite!  Still – better than you.  I’d only just convinced you that you needed a mobile phone in case of emergencies.

Sadly it proved to be useless when there was an emergency. It broke on impact and my careful entry under ICE / In Case of Emergency was useless and the police took about 5 hours to find me.  All those armchair experts on the car forums were all “surely the next of kin would know straight away” and “release the names already”.  Well fuck them sideways with a rusty chainsaw.  I didn’t know straight away.  Some people with REAL jobs don’t have access to news at work and actually have to WORK rather than phone their parter every hour. …. and since we weren’t in the habit of stalking each other with eleventy million phone calls each day, I was none the wiser.  Car forums are mostly arsehats it seems.  Maye a few of them are not complete idiots and recognised the fact that you boys WERE highly experienced drivers.

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We are officially on school holidays now.  It’s nice not having to rush, but it gives me far too much time to mope around. Today I was unbearably sad for a while.  I keep coming back to the fact that you aren’t coming home.  I sound like a broken record I know, but my brain has been trying to come back to this stabbing pain for a week and I haven’t let it because I just COULDN”T think about it and sleep / function at school.

You were my best friend as well as my lover, husband and father of my children.  I miss you in so many ways an in so many roles.  I’d love to hear you say “leave it, you’re mad and I’ll deal with it” like you used to when I’d get frustrated with our kids. We were such a good team.

I love you beyond breath.

XA

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