124 days….


I did it.  I drove up the coast and back and I actually had a fun time.

I still hate driving on the highway (people drive like morons) but … it was OK.

The kids stayed with Cousin A last night and we all went to Underwater World today.  Something about watching fish all day calmed me down.  I enjoyed myself.  Mostly.

Of course I remembered the last time we were there … with you and your parents.  So sad to think that all of you have died in the space of four years.  Last time, your Mum really enjoyed spending time with just us and our kids.  Your Dad was undergoing daily radiation therapy and chemo at the regional hospital and the health department had put them up in quite a flash unit right on the water.  So many memories.


Last night, as I lay in a strange bed, I tried to recall how your hands felt when I held them.  Quite often we’d fall asleep hand in hand … your hands too big to entwine with mine without dislocating my fingers … so I would hold your index finger as we fell asleep.  I mean, we’d always start off with bodies entangled, but in the end, the desire for sleep would beat the desire for touch and we’d untangle … just not completely.

I miss falling asleep with you.

I love you so much.


PS – GC is coming tomorrow.  He has promised to bring the death certs.  It turns out that  he didn’t quite get the urgency factor.  If  he can’t make it for any reason, he’ll post them.  Phew.

And Thanks.  I know this was you pushing things along.