149 days…

After another good day at school where I got to be OK again for a while, I was in tears by the time I hit the car park.

That’s how quickly I can go from being OK to sobbing and finding it hard to breathe.

It hits me like a freight train.

I drive home and think that you won’t be there when I get there.

I listen for the rev of your car in the driveway and the remote roller door to move as you arrive home …

I look at a pack of men’s jocks in the supermarket – your brand, on special.  I don’t need to buy them for you.

You aren’t here.

You won’t be here.

Ever again.

and that Just Kills Me.

I miss you.

I love you.