151 days…

A busy day today.

I dropped the kids at school then dropped a heap of documents off to the solicitor.
Hopefully she can get probate underway if nothing else.  I hope she can also get the compensation claim underway too.  I hate that I have to do this job.  The only reason I have to talk about probate and compensation is because you are dead.  It feels mercenary … and yet I know that it is the right thing to do for the kids and I.  I’m simultaneously thankful for compensation that does get paid, yet saying “is that all G was worth ?”  I wish I could pay it all back to have you here.

I also had a date with the gynae and his horrible scanner.  This is a new bloke that you never met.  He’s young but at least he is funny and not like Dr Grumpy-Pants who delivered H and had a grand tour of my innards when I had that lesion on my cervix a few yeas back.  So yeah, we are on Ob/ Gynae #3 now.  Hopefully this one won’t retire or run off on me…

Then off to pay some bills.

I did get a bill today that I refuse to pay.  The rates notice on the farm was sent *here* as a default.  I bet GC will think I should pay the whole thing.  Frankly, I dont’ want to pay any of it, but I guess I’m obligated to pay half.  I know you took pity on him and offered to pay his share of all the farm stuff, but I am just not going to do that.  I wasn’t happy then and I’m not happy now and legally, I am only responsible for half the expenses as we only own half the farm.  I also now know the story of his “deal” on the original house of his and T’s.  T’s father owned half and GC and T were to buy him out.  Apparently T’s Dad is still waiting for the money, 10 years later.
So no, I’m not paying GC’s share of anything.

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There are times when I think I’m a real head case and then I think there are times that are just too weird not to be something more than this life….

Like the randomised “album cover” game I played yesterday on Facebook.  I go a gorgeous beach- sunset-peaceful scene, the band name of Fey-en-Heye and the album title: “Unconditional Acceptance o Life and What it Brings”.

Trying to tell me something?

What about my melt-down last night when I decided it was OK to stop being Mrs “Holds-it-Together” and that maybe becoming an alcoholic was in my future.  So the random quote in the book on grief I opened at the bookshop today??? “If you weren’t a stronger person, I’d expect you to turn to alcohol“.

Yup.  OK.  Got it.

Definitely telling me something.

Thanks.  I know you love me…

…and I’ll love you forever

XA

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