156 days…

The little boy I spoke of yesterday is still hanging in there by all accounts.

We are all still very worried about him.

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I got a lovely surprise from a fellow widow blogger when I got home this afternoon.  The very idea that someone on the other side of the world took the time to send me a DVD and gift because she thought they might help me is mind-blowing. But it was the note and quote she added to the package which really floored me… “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”  Christopher Robin to Pooh – A.A. Milne.

I’ve only watched about a third of the DVD so far, but so far I find I’m crying and nodding along with the widows on the dvd.  They tell it like it is.

I had to stop when I heard the interviews of the people on the street thinking that widows should be OK with grief within one to two weeks.

Head-desk. Repeat.

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I still can’t fathom how you were here and then you weren’t.  This is so difficult to grasp.  This idea that you aren’t coming home.  Maybe if I’d been able to see you, hold you, be with you I’d feel better.  But at the same time I know seeing you would not have been a good idea.  I see *your* face when I think of you and not whatever was so bad that they told me not to see you.

I miss you.

I love you.

XA

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