162 days….

Raining, cold, tired … that pretty much sums up my mood today.

I always feel worse one rainy days.   I can’t believe that I had a millisecond of thinking “my life is good” on the weekend, and today I’m plunged right back into the “why me?”s and the misery of you not being here.

H has been acting up at school again.  I suspect it is because they have started talking about Father’s Day craft and planning Father’s Night for the preppies.  He seems quite concerned about it.  I thought I’d sorted it out by telling him that I’d go to Father’s Night and he thought that was OK because I am a teacher and there will be other teachers there … but we all know that you should be there and that’s just the way it is.

He’s been missing your cuddles.  He’s been missing your games …. and as it turns out, he’s scared he’ll forget you.

Dammit.  Why didn’t we even get enough warning to have slightly more than 10 seconds of you on video.

I hate this shit.

I miss you.

I love you.

Help me.