163 days….

Again you come through for me in strange ways.  …and it’s helping me and the Big Fella to be on more civil terms too.  I still can’t help thinking that, for some reason, I get Old Testament God while everyone else gets the new and groovy New Testament God.  But maybe he does love me just a bit.  I am still mightily pissed off though…

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Today was the Ekka holiday and the kids and I had the day off.  So lovely to be at home pottering around in the middle of the week.

I watched the rest of the DVD “Young Widow – Naked in the Memorial Playground” that was sent to me by a very kind lady who is also a widow.  I found myself crying and nodding my way through the stories of loss, grief and hope.  I get so cranky with myself for falling back into the dazed state of mind where I get a good view of insanity (not that I’m insane but I get a good look at it from here – like one of the widows says in the dvd – she knows the difference between sane and insane).  I just have to have faith in myself that I can learn to live my life again like these widows and widowers are doing.

I’ll be needing your help though.

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Memory of the day for H:  The sniffing game (again).  It is a game that can only be played by you and H.  Nobody else can play.  The rules are to take turns and see who can sniff the loudest.  I don’t get it.  It’s a boy thing.  But H gets it.  I reminded him of the special sniffing game yesterday when he was sad that he was forgetting you.  Instant change in his mood.

We all love you and miss you.

All the way to the end of the universe.

XA

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