170 days…

and I’m pretty sure I’m the worst parent ever.

I am ready for H not to see his 6th birthday right now.

He is in bed.  Thankfully he worked out where he should be for his own best interest because Mummy is Very Angry with him.

This will of course bite me in the bum tomorrow when he’s inconsolable, but right now I can’t be near him.


Today has sucked beyond the telling of it.  The grief hit me from left field. I’ve spent most of the afternoon in tears.  I’ve had it. I’m tired and I’m sick of this shit.

and I’m ANGRY with you.  You left me.  I don’t care that you couldn’t help it.



I got sleep last night.  everything is OK again.  H is beautiful, K is beautiful, I am beautiful.

We are OK … just REALLY missing you so much.

We all love you and want you back home.