180 days….

I am spending far too much time online lately, but last night I realised why …. I am searching for evidence of you.

Maybe I think that you are on here somewhere, or maybe I think someone on here knows where you are.
I can’t find you in your usual haunts so I have been searching for you on the interwebs.

sad little existence I lead huh?

But I have found someone online.
I found other widows online.
I found people who nod and shed a tear and say “I know just what you mean”.
I found the people who comment here.
I found friends.

So in a mixed-up sort of way, I’ve been looking for you, found people who are walking this road with me … which ultimately means that you WERE here somewhere …  linking me up with people who nod and know how bad widowhood really is.  People who know things I can’t tell my friends and family.  People who know things I only tell you.  They  make me feel less alone.  Because you know how alone I feel you let me find them or let them find me.

Thanks for that.

I love you, you know.

I miss you like crazy.

I wish you were here.

XA

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