… and 184 days….

….and to top off the fun, it was Father’s night at prep.

I went in your place.

H was not sure about this at all.  At school this morning, H was feeling quite worried about the whole deal and so his beautiful friend N told him he could share his dad with H.  N said to his Mum “H can just be my brother, that will be easier”.

sob.

When we got there, I dropped H with the rest of the preps then promptly scurried away to the back of the arena.  Out of sight.  In hiding from all but H (who could see me from the stage area).

But not out of sight enough.  ….

See, I’m OK with the quite cry but when people make an effort to be nice to me, I cry louder.  I can’t stop it.  The tears flow and the snot runs out my nose and it’s all an embarrassing mess.

You see, P, the deputy spotted me and came to offer his services as a substitute Dad if needed.  He also said something vitally important about knowing the staffing lists for next year soon and me being a recent graduate and how there is a push to employ recent graduates and all  looking good on the work front …. but I didn’t really take much of it in due to the quiet sobbing that you weren’t at father’s night where you should be.

I knew I’d cry and I wanted to do it quietly in the corner, but yet again, the people at this school have proven to me how supportive they are.  I love working there and I’m just sad that I never got to share this new job with you….

At any rate – H had a great time tonight.  I think he was relieved when we got there that it wasn’t some secret boys business that he couldn’t bring me to.  It was his friends and their Dads and their teachers and me.

And it was OK.

Your absence was like a big black hole, but we collaged some bling and paper hats and ties around the edges and it wasn’t sooo big or black anymore.

We miss you.

We love you.

XA

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