188 days….

Happy Father’s Day.

I hope you are feeling the love.  H made a big portrait of you at school – similar to the one K did in prep.  I’ve hung both of them together on the laundry door.

The kids have been OK today … but I’ve been in tears more times than I’d like.

It started last night when I found a photo I took of you with your tired, annoyed face on. Home from work, dirty, tired and wanting a meal and a rest.  You just looked so worn out from work.  The work you loved to do but where you were always underappreciated (while you were alive that is – NOW G reckons the whole company has you and M to thank for its success).  The work that ultimately killed you.

I did not sleep well…. that never bodes well for the next day.

…but I did want the day to be OK for the kids.

I took them to Maccas for breakfast for the first time ever.  I thought this might be a bit of a diversion from the traditional present opening and pancake making on a Father’s Day morning.

We ordered pancakes and milkshakes and sat outside next to the playground (which, as it turns out was shut because it had rained – bloody typical).

The nice bloke from the servo and his kids were also there.  He is a sweet man who knows that I am a widow and asked about our day.  Lovely people like this make my day…

But.

On the other side, a pair of local ferals middle-aged couple  sat down.  Then the woman rang her dad on her mobile and spoke in a voice loud enough for passing traffic to hear: “Happy Father’s Day Dad – so you’re not dead yet”.

This should have been my cue to move tables.  But not me.  I’m stupid like that.

She continued to yell into her mobile and I could not help but overhear such delights as  the finer points of her brother’s drug addiction, her evil sister, her bladder problems ……yet it wasn’t until she started on her mother’s sex addiction that I finally told the kids to pick up their food because we were MOVING AWAY.

She was an Utter Nutter.

…and demonstrates yet again why mobile phones should come with a licence requiring users not to use them on public transport or in the vicinity of food … ’cause she totally put us off our tucker.

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I’ve also been thinking about T a lot today.  I’ve lost her address and they are not listed.  I might try her Dad’s address.

Also – my boss  just found out that her husband has advanced bone marrow cancer.  She is taking the rest of the term off to be with him.

Add to that pile of worries about other friends and my stress levels are up.

…although I have realised that worrying about others is a great distraction from thinking about how crap my own life is.

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One bright spot – Cousin S has finally asked A to marry him. Hooray.

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Remember last year when H was so excited about the present he had picked you out of the prize box at kindy?  A little pate knife with a figure of santa on it.  and food still stuck to the handle.  He loved it and the photo shows you both with the biggest grins on your face.  Priceless.

Just like you.

I love you so much I ache.

XA

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