195 days…

This week is not getting better.

Mishi rang last night to tell me that Karen’s Dad had died.   He’d had a heart attack, but when they did the bypass, they discovered multiple organ failure.  The decision was made to let him go.

I must admit that this death doesn’t affect me so much – her Dad was in his 70s and has lived to see his grandchildren grow up.  That’s pretty significant in the scheme of things.

But Karen is devastated and so, I am gutted for her.

…and I’m gutted for this town.

Life seems to be getting so very hard for so many people I know.

I mean, I kinda joke about getting new members to the widow’s club (in my own, dark humour way).  But we literally could form a club at school involving adults and kids who’ve lost husbands and fathers so far this year.

Such a shitty club to belong to.


H had a really sad time again this morning.  He was worried that I’d die in a car accident too and he’d forget what both you and I looked like.  Yet again, I brought out the photo book.  He calmed down.

Mum pointed out that this may have been his reaction to my little problem of yesterday….. K was the one who came to my aid, who looked after me until I was OK.  She held my hand and was  a champion.

H was busy being quite annoying and asking for things and generally being a pain.  Mum kept telling him that I wasn’t feeling well and he had to look after me.

I guess it finally sunk in this morning.

(I’ve felt OK today btw.  This *&(^ cold is back and I’ve stopped the codral in case it was what made me all fluttery.  But I’ve had a cold ALL term and I’m sick of it now)


I discovered the most beautiful blog today.  Full of poetic quotes about love.

This one got to me:

And then my soul saw you and it kind of went “Oh there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

That’s the way I felt when we first met.  Like I’d been looking for you all along but didn’t realise it until I saw you.

I miss you so much.

I wish I could speak with you, hug you.

I love you.