214 days…

7 calendar months.

I’m coasting along at the moment.

But still crashing at some point in every day.

I think I finally understand that you aren’t coming back.


Not in the way we want and need at least.

But then other times it still seems so unreal.

I get that feeling of not being connected to the world anymore.

Of floating.

Watching from above.

Letting things happen to us.


I’m tired of pretending thing are OK.

But I have to MAKE things OK for the kids.

We’ve all been far too angry with each other over the past few days.

But their fighting is doing my head in and I yell at them.


I look at your picture and I can almost feel your skin.  Your beard.  The bony lump in your shoulder from where I broke your collarbone.

I really want a hug.

From you.

I miss you.

I love you.