278 days….

Well I went to the Christmas party.

I tried to have a good time.

Unfortunately I’m not chipper enough for some people though … I’m “too serious“.

Made me feel like shite when I was trying so hard to be upbeat.  I was trying to fake it ’til I make it.  I thought I had a pretty good mask in place.

If only they knew the effort I have to put in not to cry all the time.

Thankfully I have got some great blog buddies who have cheered me up.

I spent much of today in tears again though.  I guess it comes from a combination of limited sleep and the gushing geyser under the house.  Fuck it all – I don’t even know who to call about it anymore.  I fear the house will start to crumble around me as water eats away the dirt under the house.


I had somewhat of another revelation about the 11s again today.

You are buried at Lawn 11.  I never realised the significance of where we chose to bury you until today.  11s follow me around and I take them as a sign from you.

I miss you so much.

I love you.