293 days…

I can barely keep my eyes open as I write.

I am so tired. I am so sick of the rain.  The water.

The phone-call from Andrew telling me it would be too wet to dig the drain tomorrow.

I begged him to reconsider it in the morning – the forecast is for strong wind and sunshine tomorrow, so I’ve asked him not to call it until tomorrow morning.

I got a fantastic e-mail today from C who taught the kids at GG.  She has had a hard life – her husband was vile and left her and her boys when she was pregnant with their second child.

She is such a positive force of nature and it did my heart good to read these words:

Hello gorgeous people!
Before this silly season really begins to take over I just wanted to wish you all a Christmas full of love and togetherness. I know it will be hard, the hardest ever I suspect but you must always keep in mind how lucky you are to have each other and memories of years gone past.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers and take it from someone who didn’t think life would ever stop throwing curve balls my way, when the time is right the universe will shower you with all you need to begin living life to its full again… and as strange as it might sound, you will wonder why you ever doubted it and if you could ever endure that sort of pain again because your days ahead will bring so much joy and happiness you will not ever believe the depth of sorrow you once had.
I love you all to bits and wish all that is good to be coming your way, your new pic is gorgeous. Look at your faces, it’s a real testament of life, love and the power of family.
You are all my heroes and I am so proud to know you xxxxxxxxxxx

It’s so heartfelt and lovely it brought me to tears.

I’ve got to keep believing that life will get better.

I’ve got to.

But I miss you like crazy.

I want to hold you and I want you to hold me.

I want to hear you tell me what a good job I’m doing, even though at times I think I am the worst parent in the world.

I love you.