300 days…

Three Hundred Days of this insanity.

I think I’ve been worse for the past 2 months than I was in the first 2….

or maybe the fog of grief has me fooled again.

Yesterday was horrible.  The kids didn’t seem to notice how bad I was though.  Funny how they are so easily distracted by something shiny.

I cried a lot.  On my own.

It wasn’t all about me either.  I kept thinking about other people going through difficult times.  It’s all just different rooms in hell really.

…and I didn’t go to church.  I am losing my religion but not in an REM way.  I believe in God but I don’t think he performs any miracles.  I think he’s as jaded as the rest of us.

But then I took us all to Mum and Dad’s for lunch and Mum made everything bearable. I don’t know what I’d do without Mum.  Seriously.  If she were gone as well I think I’d be following shortly after….


Today was a bit better.  I cleaned the inside of the house – something I have been neglecting due to all the work being done outside.   But I always feel better when the house is clean.

…and  it rained a lot today.  Water has come into the garage again but the drain has stopped most of it.  The backyard is a bog … indeed an idiotic woman got herself bogged on our footpath this morning.  It’s wetter than it’s ever been.

I’m hoping that the current seepage is due to the fact that the deck is not yet on to provide shelter for the ground this side of the drain.



I miss you so much right now.  None of this is right.  None of this was supposed to happen.
How is it that the person who always seemed to know exactly what I was thinking is dead?

I love you.  Forever.