303 days…

For the first time in a long time, I honestly did not know what day it was when I woke up this morning.  I had to check my watch to see.

I am choosing to believe this is because I finally feel like I am on holidays at last.

Could also be because I had shitenhausen sleep again last night.  I stopped the sleeping tablets a few weeks back but have been taking a valerian before bed and sleeping in until 6 am!!  Last night I forgot the valerian and I do think it made a difference.

Life is so much brighter when I’ve had sleep….

GC was supposed to be staying here tonight, but has chosen to spend the night at the transit centre instead.

Oh well.

I did offer a bed, but just can’t face the 45 minute airport pickup at 10 pm tonight so I suggested a cab or catching a train to our local station.  Apparently he’d rather sleep at the transit centre than spend any money himself.  I had to stop myself from telling him that I’d pay for the cab …


It didn’t rain today (hooray) so the kids got to ride their scooters … it made a huge difference to them as well as me.

I managed to do some gardening which felt good.


I dreamt of you again last night … but it was another version of the horrible dream where you leave us for someone else.  I just felt so bewildered that you could love us so much but just up and leave and NOT see the children.  I found your phone number and was so angry I yelled at you to at least come and visit the kids….. and by the way, we were happy so why did you leave??

In reality, nothing could be further from the truth:  I never had a moment’s anxiety about you straying.  Never.  Each of us was so in love with each other and so loyal it just never entered our heads.  I remember someone raising their eyebrows at the amount of time you spent at the farm (although when they said farm they used those stupid air quote fingers).  They couldn’t understand why I was so calm about it and knew that there was no way you’d ever stray.

Just as you knew I’d never stray.

Funny how we both always knew exactly what the other person was thinking or doing at any given time.

Taking the words out of your mouth….

I miss that.

I miss you.

I love you.