322 days….

Why is it that I look at the clock at about 6 pm every night and expect you to pull up in the driveway?

There are so many days when I still can’t wrap my head around this.

You should be here.

With us.


I found a picture of you jumping from a bridge in NZ … for FUN.  I have photos of you parasailing, abseiling, riding motorbikes, racing cars, man-handling cattle, riding unicycles, climbing up huge phone towers in FNQ, jet-boating, water-skiing, and doing any number of things which could have hurt you.

But no, it’s the mundane which killed you.

Perhaps the difference is that you weren’t in control of the car….. we’ll never know.

We still don’t’ officially know for that matter as the coroner still hasn’t ticked a box and signed his name on the police report (as far as I know …. and I’m assuming they would have the decency to tell me when they do).  I don’t quite know what they do in the coroner’s office, but the don’t’ seem to push through cases very quickly.

I feel like I’m in limbo …. almost a year has passed and yet I still can’t understand what’s happened.

My heart still refuses to believe what’s happened.

I just wish you would come home.


I miss you.

I love you.