344 days…

Still cruising … hope this doesn’t mean the crash is bigger at the end.

Maybe it’s being at work, doing my favourite job.  I am having fun and seeing 5 different classes per day so there’s a lot of variety and I don’t get overwhelmed by the few exhausting “clients” in each class.

~~~~~~~~~~

Mum just called.

It seems the crash might be fairly huge when it comes … because Nana is most probably on her way out.  She’s stopped eating.  She sleeps all the time.  She’s 94 and *ready*.

I am sad … but also happy for her.

She’s been a widow for 14 years and she’s tired.  She just wants to go home.

I know she’s asked herself…  asked God … why you and not her.  I know she would have traded places with you if she could.

… but getting through another funeral??? Getting through the funeral of the Nana who has nurtured me, loved me, teased me, taught me???

I’m not sure how I’ll go.

I remember Pop’s funeral (you were there with me).  I cried so much when I got up to do a reading, I set off half of the 400 people in the church.

I knew he was 84.

I knew he was sick.

I knew that he couldn’t face the dialysis any more.

I knew his body couldn’t recover from the kidney disease and the cancer.

But I was sad.

and I cried.

Sobbed.

…and I remember that some idiotic person decided to tell me not to cry because “he was better off”.

So help me, but I will bitch-slap the next person who says that  about a dead person I love.

~~~~

I’ll continue living these not-quite-normal days for as long as I can get them.

But don’t be surprised if my wine  intake increases the closer we get to March 1.

I miss you.  my other half.

I love you.

XA

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