352 days….

Surprisingly, I’m still on a high.

Strange given the time of year.

Frankly, I was expecting the low lows that happened between 9 and 10 months to be back with a vengeance by now.

Perhaps that is what awaits me as we move towards your birthday and deathday.

But I’m still fragile.

and very, very angry.

with God.

With people who don’t get that I’ll NEVER “get better” … functional does not equate to happy or healthy.

Those people don’t see (don’t want to see?) the furious paddling going on below the surface so that I can even get out of bed each day.

They don’t’ see that the kids are coping ONLY because they are tough little buggers …. or maybe because they know that I am messed up too and it’s OK to be sad a lot of the time.

We all miss you so much.

I love you to the moon and back again.