354 days…

Mum and I visited Nan today.

I had to brave the highway for an hour and a quarter each way.

I’m still not good with highways, even as the passenger.

When we got there, Nan was happy to see us.  She was lucid and asking questions “what am I wearing to the big wedding next weekend?”

Within half an hour she was falling asleep on us and so I went to the loo down the hall.

I walked back into the room and she thought I was a nurse.

She dozed for the next hour, although Mum managed to poke small bits of pawpaw, yoghurt and a little cheese sandwich into her when she was awake… as well as a whole glass of apple juice.

But she won’t feed herself.  It seems too much effort to even lift the sippy cup of juice to her lips.

She is gaunt … weighing just 45 kgs on her 171 cm tall frame.

Bones poke out of her chest and the shape of her skull is visible through her skin.

Nan on 365 Project

But she is still Nan… still that last bit of spark in her.

I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her …. I don’t know if I’ll see her again.


I am sad – Mum just told me of another local family who are suddenly down to one parent.  Suicide of the mother.  The father and two teenage kids are bewildered.

I barely know them and yet, I’m wondering whether I should go to the funeral …. I never met the lady but briefly taught her daughter in 2009.

I am seriously considering organising a coffee morning / fish and chips evening / *something* for the local widows and widowers in this area.  At last count I know / know of 6 local families who maaay be interested.

There is a young widows and widowers organisation in this city, but the meetings are held on Tuesday evenings on the other side of town … so I’m not interested in trekking that far on a weeknight.

Dunno if it’s something I can cope with doing just now though….

I just wish I didn’t feel the need to.

I wish you were here and widows and widowers were Other People.

Not Me.

I miss you.

I love you.