373 days….

A year since the funeral.  A whole year.  A hole year.

I’ve only visited the grave 2 or 3 times – I don’t think you are hanging out over there so I don’t go.

Other people think this is odd.

Other people are odd – why would I remember you in a place you never went when you were alive?  and if you are in spirit, why would you hang around at a cemetery?

I had my big cry yesterday when I was home with K.

Not so much about it being a year though…

I was putting some clothes away and dumped a whole pile on the bed, went to walk away when *you* said “they are already on hangers, another 5 seconds and they would be hanging INSIDE the wardrobe”.

So I hung them up.

In the wardrobe that isn’t fully cleaned out yet.

and I looked down at my feet.

At the place where I’ve moved all of your shoes from.

and cleaned several times before.

and I saw a yellow badge.

It was the bright yellow badge that was on the card I gave you for your 40th birthday over 8 years ago.

It said:

“Still Sexy at 40”.

Thank you.

I needed to see that.

I needed to know that.

I miss you.

I love you.