384 days….

I feel like I’m slipping down the endless hole again.

More of a “I am in a holding pattern” feeling than true despair though.

I guess that is some progress.


I just need something really GOOD to happen to us soon.

Something Big and Wonderful.

A permanent job.

Financial certainty.

Winning a car to replace the 16 yo Bombydoor.

*Something* not of my own making.

Something that means the universe can hear me cry out and answers me.


Sick kids, sick car, uncertain job future, uncertain future … all these thing are NOT helping.

All this plodding on (plodding in circles?) is getting tiring.

I need a lift.


I know I’m whinging.

I know I ask for too much without appreciating that my world hasn’t fallen down or been washed away.

But I don’t’ compare grief with that of the wider world.

It’s all different rooms in hell.

…and to each of us, our own grief is the worst because we have to live it.

and my grief is getting heavy and I’d like it to be lifted from me …

just let me breathe again.


I miss you.

I love you.



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