386 days…

A family photo fell from the bookshelf today.  The frame is still intact, but the stand has broken.

I was quite emotional about it …. there’s no chance of getting another family photo like it.  Ever.

So even though it’s been over a year now, the idea that you are dead and never coming back still sneaks up and grabs me by the throat.


One of “my boys” from last year came up to me today.

He is the boy who’s Dad died in September last year.

Brain tumour.

His grandfather died last Friday … from the same type of rare tumour that killed his father.


He asked me if I could come to his grandfather’s funeral tomorrow.

I had to say “no” as I really couldn’t have any more time off.

But it was hard to say to a little face (a tough, adorable, ragamuffin face) that I couldn’t go.

A little face that’s seen too many sad days.

Much like the sad little faces of K and H.

…and again, I just can’t understand *why*.

Why us?


I will never understand.

I just know that I miss you.

I love you.