398 days…

I got sleep last night.

But I dreamed a lot which meant I don’t feel rested.

I had a particularly vivid dream, which woke me up … but typically, all I can remember is that I was more amazed that I sounded like such an officious wally in my dream.  Somehow, I  clearly remember asking someone in a dream if they were “going to keep up this pretence” as it would be “detrimental in the long term”.

I also remember drafting an eye-poppingly, epiphanous blog post about widowhood.  It was bloody brilliant and I told myself that I’d remember it in the morning.

Of course, I can only remember that I was happy about the amazing post … but can’t remember any of the actual content.

Bloody typical.

At least I got some stuff done today…. washing, shopping, cleaning … and fight referee.

….and then your nephew came to visit us in the afternoon. It was nice to see him and I suspect that he has a girlfriend now (I know – he’s so quiet I despaired that he would ever find anyone).

He has even offered to come and do some electrical work here once the deck is in.  Hooray!


K had a big melt down just now.  I thought she was all whiney because she missed out on a treat tonight (they had milkshakes and the most awesome chocolate and strawberry hot cross buns for afternoon tea)….

but she was just missing you.


and I don’t know what to tell her other than that it IS wrong and it DOES suck and that she IS allowed to cry and rant and rage at the wrongness of it all.

Because no matter how many times some well-meaning knob writes or says something about “sucking it up” because they know someone else who has it worse and is all happy and shiny …. > THIS < particular brand of shit is Just Plain Wrong.

and will always be wrong.

We miss you.

We love you.


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