Understanding

 

So my new bed arrived on Saturday (and I LOVE it).

….and being a wanna-be photographer, I dutifully  took some photos and shared them on my 365Project.
…and being a little bit clueless, I also shared my WV post (text, not link) about buying a new bed with the photo (changed somewhat to reflect the emotional aspect of buying a new bed, mostly to distract all my facebook friends from immediately saying “ooohahhh, lucky you, I wish *I* could afford a new bed” (and I’d then have to refrain from pointing out that if they didn’t need the overseas holiday every year and the new car, they too probably could have a new bed to).
I forgot how many of my friends and family lurk there to see my photos…..

Anyhooo…… it was a good lesson to me as to why I don’t share my writing here with my non-widowed friends and family……

I can’t tell you the number of concerned messages I have had by well-meaning friends and family worried about the state of my mental health because I actually expressed  the things I freely express here on this blog.
Basically, my emotional response in seeing my old bed taken away was a bit too scary for some of my dear friends to cope with: they worried about me.

I tried to reassure them that they don’t need to worry about me.  I miss Greg All The Time and this was just another thing that was part of letting go.
I was repeatedly e-mailed a variation on the theme that “Greg is around me and a piece of furniture doesn’t matter”.
Well obviously I know that he was so much more than a bed, but I just can’t seem to explain to them that its not the bed…. its the closeness…. the memories of being in that bed that nobody else knows about and it was sad to see it go.  It still went though …. I knew I couldn’t keep it, just as I know it is just a bed.

I know my friends and family are just showing their concern for me, but it does tend to feel like I am a child being placated.  The concern is real, and I know they don’t know what to say, but I find that they really don’t understand.
It confirms my decision not to share my WV posts with my non-widowed friends: they just don’t know how to react to my feelings.  Much as I know its what they all want for me, I am not “all better now”, nor will I ever be.  …and explaining that I will never be “over” my husband’s death is tiring. …and its sad to tell them that while I appreciate everything they do for me, they can’t fix me, nor do I expect them to.

So thank you all for the opportunity you give me each week to pour out my thoughts and feelings freely, without worry that my emotions are too much, or that I need to be fixed, or reminded that Greg still loves me.
I thank you for the cheap therapy you provide me in being able to share my pain with you without fear of scaring you with the enormity of it all.
Most of all, I thank you for just understanding.
….and for reminding me that I am not alone.

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