No coincidence


I am having one of those days where the very idea that he is dead and never coming back is unbearable.
I want to crawl out of my own skin.

I can neither comprehend or entertain the thought that  I will never again look across a room to be met with blue eyes and a smile that said “I see you, I love you …. and I know what you are thinking”.

Maybe it is because  the weather is miserable and I spent a great deal of the early hours of today worrying about the rainwater seeping in to my garage again and dreading the monumental task of sweeping it out time and again.

Maybe it is because I am on holidays and I am sick and feel like my own grandmother.

Maybe its because I tried looking at an online dating site again and came to the conclusion that the particular combination of brains and sense of humour I am looking for does not exist.

Maybe its the after effects of last Friday’s meeting where a monetary value was placed on his life.  On his worth.

…. I just really miss him tonight.

…and then just like that.
Right this second.
Just as I wrote the above words, an e-mail came through….

My best girlfriend, bridesmaid and almost-sister sent through some photos taken in 2006 of my beautiful boy playing with the kids at a party for her son.
I have four new (old)  photos of my love with my loves.

I feel like I’ve just looked across the room and got that nod that says “I see you, I love you …. and I know what you need right now”.

…and I know that this is no coincidence.