Don’t Choose Death

For a long time, I’ve stuck to the saying “but did you die?” when there seems to be an overwhelming problem. My yardstick is literally: is anybody dead? If not, then its OK, we can fix this.
I think in these times, death is very abstract when we think of other people, even other people we know and love. It affects us, but we can go about our daily lives pretty much the same as normal, albeit with a few restrictions at present. 
When we think of ourselves and our immediate family though, death takes on another shape….
When death is literally in your house, robbing you of your person from the dinner table, or the couch or even your own bed, death is catastrophic. Even breathing is difficult. Eating is something you might remember to do or might not remember to do. Hours take years and days flit by in seconds. Your brain doesn’t function like it normally does. Decision making is terrible. Your memory is non-existent. You start to wonder if you are real. If any of this is real. You don’t cope. You might look like you are coping, but you become very good at playing the part of yourself in this ridiculous play. Eventually, you become good at playing that part, but you never ever forget the day that death walked through your door and changed everything you knew.Death is insane.
Only those people who already know what I am talking about will understand what I am talking about. I pray to god that if you don’t know what I am talking about, this virus doesn’t make you find out.
I’d just like everyone to think about this if they are ever tempted to choose the economy over a life.
Just to be super clear: time does not fix anything.

I didn’t write this for pity. I know I am strong and that my kids are great. I am happy. I am well-adjusted and function well in life. I am not sad.I am happy (and sad and angry and sleepy and every feeling because feelings happen all the time).
But death is real and ongoing. You don’t ‘move on’ or ‘get over it’ or ‘find happiness again’. There is no such thing as permanent happiness (or sadness). I am happy. I have a great life.
But if death hasn’t come to your house and taken someone away, I want you to fully understand that it will completely gut you like a fish when it comes.
And if I keep hearing ‘but the economy’, it means people don’t understand death. They don’t understand what they are choosing.
Don’t choose death.