364 days….

This is it.

The last day when I knew you were alive one year ago.

You weren’t here of course – you were at the bloody stinking farm which ate up so much of your time.

Time that you could have spent with us.

and for that, I will always resent the farm.


I went to work today and knew that there is no way I can go to work tomorrow.

Mental health is underrated.


Your brother has arrived and will be here for the next month.

I suspect  you’ve organised this somehow –  sending me your best friend, your brother,  so I wont be alone right now.

Let’s hope we don’t get on each other’s nerves too much.

…and lets hope he gets LOTS of boy jobs done around here.


I am tired.

So tired.

of waiting for things to be OK again.

and I think I will be tired for the rest of my life.

I miss you.

I love you.