410 days….

I dropped the kids at J’s house this morning – thank goodness she offered to care for them today as I really didn’t want them going to another funeral (they’ve been to enough of those already in their young lives).

Then Mum, Dad and I drove up the highway (cringe) to Mum’s home town and started with the committal service at the crematorium and then the funeral at the church in town.

As per usual, I hated the committal.  I don’t do well with a coffin in the room.

Just like I didn’t do well at your funeral service staring at that small wooden box which held the most precious thing in my world.

Today, I focussed on the coffin and wondered if Nan was comfortable in there.  I mean, there doesn’t look like there’s enough room for her legs to be straight … and nobody wants an eternity of leg cramp.

Yes … these are the thoughts that occupy my mind while others are praying.

I nearly cried … but didn’t.

By the time we got to the church in town, I was OK.  I carried out the Bible reading as requested by Nan and then shared some memories on behalf of myself and brother P.

and I did good.

Maybe I could speak at Nan’s service because, after your death, nothing much can phase me now.

….or maybe it’s because her death was timely and as far as death goes … not a bad one at all.

I don’t know – but  there were no tears this time.  Not that I wasn’t sad.

and do you know what else?

I got my butterfly.

I got the rainbow the day she died….

…. and today, as I gazed up at the stained-glass window behind the pulpit, the shadow of a butterfly played across the glass.

Nobody else saw it because they were all praying.

I’ll pay that one.

I miss you.

I love you.

Send more rainbows and butterflies please.

XA

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