150 days…
Wow – I just sat down to write this post and heard a voice on the tv say “the recently bereaved are at higher risk of dying within the first year … from heart failure”.
I’m not surprised.
This morning, I nearly had a car accident. A van was speeding down the hill and nearly hit us. It was a near miss.
I felt nothing. My heart rate didn’t rise. I just continued on my way thinking that the line between life and death is so fine. You were such a safe driver and yet you died on the road. Can you believe that I was so calm – me – the nervous passenger? The super-safety driver. I just felt “meh” about the whole thing.
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I had morning tea with the auditor, principal and head of curriculum. Just a chat. It seems they are happy with my work. I think I’m “in” at this school. I hope so. For the first time in my life I can say that I Totally Love My Job. I have none of the yucky jobs and all of the joy.
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Why do I keep struggling so much with the fact that you aren’t coming home? I really just can’t seem to fathom it. One minute, I understand and then I wake up wondering where you are. Thinking that you’ll be home soon. Looking for you everywhere. Not finding you.
I love you so much. Please don’t leave me.
XA
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry – I feel these things too. I had an experience recently when I thought that I did see Dave – my heart stopped, I stopped breathing and as the man approached and didn’t look like Dave any more, the tears came. The missing is so painful, isn’t it?
Dorthea