236 days…
Another day spent restarting the siphon, again asking the neighbour to clear his drain already …and the added bonus of the neighbourhood mutt growling at me while I was standing inside my yard, checking the siphon.
meh.
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I had a very profound thought in the shower last night (site of many a profound thought).
It was like someone else was speaking inside my head and it just came out without very much forethought…..
Basically, I was crying and asking *why* this had to happen to me and the kids and if God knew that you were going to die, *why* didn’t he warn me.
Then the “voice” said…
“because it’s not all about you. Your purpose in life was to make Greg’s life joyous. You gave him love, friendship and companionship. You gave him children. You gave him a reason to get up in the morning. You gave his life meaning”.
….so either my subconscious is very profound, or I’m now officially hearing voices and need to be carted off for a nice rest somewhere with white walls and Valium in the water….
I miss you so much. I say this every night, but I have no other words to convey my feelings.
I miss you.
I love you.
XA
Letters to my husband 
I vote for (A). I think you/The Voice must be right.
I know it’s not the same, but when I began to get my head around Dash having to have heart surgery and feeding tubes, the cry changed from ‘why us?’ to ‘Well, He must think we are special enough to have the extra something this kid really needs’. It was pretty momentous for me.
Hugs
BB
I think there is an option C, wherein there IS something that speaks to us however it can, however it can get through, and we know when It is speaking, because it is calm and clear and direct, even when delivering something not pretty or what humans typically consider soothing. For me, I know it is true when I am actually calmed, even when what is said is not making things right.
I don’t know what it is, and oftentimes, it doesn’t help the here-and-now, but there is so much more going on than we can ever really grasp. Does not at all make it okay that you/I/we have to actually live this, but sometimes it helps a wee bit.
Oh my goodness….what you heard sounds so incredibly profound…makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing…..gives me hope